OUT AND ABOUT TO GET UGLY

How many closet cases does it take to reelect a president?

By Michelangelo Signorile

IF YOU DRIVE a Volvo and you do yoga, you are pretty much a Democrat," the Bush-Cheney campaign manager Ken Mehlman—soon to be the head of the Republican National Committee—reportedly told a meeting of Republican governors last week. "If you drive a Lincoln or a BMW and you own a gun, you're voting for George W. Bush."

Since he's so confident labeling people based on outward characteristics, Mehlman must understand why his being a 37-year-old "bachelor" who refuses to answer questions about his sexual orientation is a tip-off to many that he's a pathetic closet case, and a pretty vile one at that, having used antigay hatred (aka "moral values") to help elect Bush. Mehlman was actually boasting to the governors about his slick new strategies, telling them that the Bush-Cheney campaign studied voters' consumer habits—basically snooping into voters' personal lives—in targeting them.

Studies have shown that the most virulent homophobes are those who are the most insecure about their own sexuality or are deeply closeted homosexuals themselves. It will be interesting to watch as many stauch supporters of the "moral majority" are outed, and to see the hypocrisy of their movement revealed. Even more interesting is seeing who will be dragged kicking and screaming from their closets.

Reality does not enter into Dubbyuh's lexicon

Yet again, Dubbyuh's words and actions diverge from each other. Since 2003, the dollar has declined nearly 25% against the euro. Dubbyuh contends that he believes in maintaining a strong dollar. Yet the dollar continues the unchecked free-fall it has been in since 2001.

Granted, this makes US exports cheaper overseas, but America continues to import far more than it exports and the continuing trade deficit is saturating foreign markets with dollars. In some of these markets, China in particular, currency traders are exchanging their dollars for renminbi which they view as being safer than the dollar.

Despite its "strong dollar" rhetoric, the Bush administration sees a weakening dollar as a means of getting a handle on the trade deficit. The problem here though is that while it provides some relief for US exporters, it leaves the rest of us open to sharp inflationary spikes and higher interest rates. But if you don't play in the Bush League, which most Americans don't, you're just shit outta luck.

The only sensible solution to the problem is to address the ballooning budget deficit. There is a direct correlation between the dollars slide and the runaway deficit spending of Dubbyuh and his merry band. But that would put a crimp in their ability to provide tax-cuts to their corporate pimps and johns. And, a viable social safety-net doesn't even make it on their radar screen.

So when the dollar and the US economy crash don't blame me. I voted for Kerry.

US battle plans begin to unravel

By Michael Schwartz

In the New York Times this week the first crack appeared in the armor of the "victory in Fallujah" facade maintained by the major US media since the battle began. Eric Schmitt and Robert Worth discuss a secret Marine Corps report that reveals the major bind the US has gotten itself into by sweeping through Fallujah and attempting to pacify it. This US strategy has created exactly the dilemma that many critics of the war had been predicting: in order to hold Fallujah the United States has to keep large numbers of troops there, and then the Americans will not have sufficient troops to handle the uprising elsewhere in the Sunni areas.

Indeed, while US forces have been occupied with Fallujah, the insurgents have simply packed up their toys and moved elsewhere. Mosul is now all but in the hands of the insurgents, and terrorists strike at will throughout Iraq.

And this is how it will go in Iraq. It'll be like that okd arcade game where you hammer a gopher only to have one pop up elswhere. For every brushfire insurgency the US tries to stamp out, more will erupt elsewhere.

All the while the US media fails to report the true scope of the story and Dubbyuh remains in his rose colored bubble. And all the while our troops are dying in an ill-concieved, illegal war.

But hey, y'all voted for him, and when the excrement intersects the fan-blade, I'll just sadly shake my head and say, "I told you so...".